Wednesday, July 7, 2010

If You Were Mine

Dear little kid at the Drs office,

I see you! I hear your little voice! I'm watching you and you know that. As a matter of fact, I've been giving you the stank eye ever since you came hollering talking and playing through the door. Into an office that is peaceful and dim and relaxing.

I've watched you look for your "aldigader" and climb the wall at the sign in desk. I've even watched you spin in circles holding a bag of chips just to fall to the floor and make a mess. Oh, how I wish you were mine!

You're loud and busy-bodied... And I can just imagine your mother seeking a diagnosis of ADHD so that you'll receive special treatment when you're one day attending my class. And I already know the frustration I'll (or some other unfortunate teacher) will have trying to get you to do your homework. I know your mom will make all kinds of excuses for you when all it takes is something right now... While you're three. I wish you were mine... Right this moment.

You're climbing on everything and people are laughing at you... No wait... They're laughing and judging your incompetent mother. And me? I'm not laughing because I don't think it is funny or cute. I just want to say to your mother, "Hey!!! Hey lady with the wild child!!! You need to straighten him out and make him sit down and shut up!" but I won't do that because I'm only here for a few minutes and don't want to have to "show out" if your mother acts a fool like you.

But I tell you what... I wish you were mine because I would sit you down in a chair and whisper firmly in your ear that "you better sit your tail down RIGHT NOW in a chair and close your mouth or else we're gonna take a trip to the lady's room," and if you fail to comply, I'd scoop you up and take you there and introduce your backside to a belt. Afterwards, I would explain why punishment was handed down, explain what will happen if you still don't get yourself together, tell you to clear up your face, and walk back into the waiting room... quietly.

Why would I spank you? Because my mother and father did it to me and I was always a good kid. I don't see why it wouldn't work for you! But anyway...

Since you're not mine, I'll just keep giving you the stank eye and find comfort in the fact that my kid will know better.


The lady sitting two seats over


  1. Ooh, look at Mama Steph trying to discipline other people's kids. Let's see how easily you can lay a hand to your own -- I've heard it can be hard to hurt something you love.

  2. he looked like he was about 3 or 4... he was old enough to know better! The mother did ABSOLUTELY nothing to him... she'd look at him and beg him to sit down! It was awful.